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On Amber Rose

17 Feb

(Includes NSFW language)

Amber Rose, Wiz Khalifa’s estranged wife/Kanye West’s ex-girlfriend, made a few headlines yesterday. The main one I’ll get to shortly, but there are a couple of points I want to make first.

1. I wouldn’t say I’m a fan of Amber Rose. I’m familiar with her work as a model and being rapper’s arm candy. I think she’s beautiful with an amazing body. She also thinks she’s beautiful with an amazing body. In the beginning, that’s all we had in common.

2. In interviews, she gives some of the rawest answers you’ll ever hear. If you’re a fan of Jennifer Lawrence and her unfiltered views on things, you’ll love Amber’s openness and honesty about her sexuality, her dating life, motherhood and the people she wants to surround herself with.

3. That openness and honesty takes me to the link she has with this blog. Like many women, Amber gained quite a bit of weight after having her child. Like most women, she didn’t lose the weight immediately. The human body is not an animal balloon that you can just twist and turn in any shape you want. You have to work hard to mold it. Amber had her son two years ago and it was last month that she debuted the fruits of her labor.

“I’ve really been trying to work on my body and do it the natural way… I wanted to put in the work,” she told Hot97 radio last week

https://instagram.com/p/yAsgMwEq-u/

The subject came up because the host questioned if she’d had plastic surgery. Two things: none of his business and him saying he didn’t care about the answer to his question made him look ri-damn-diculous.

Losing weight through diet and exercise takes time. It took Amber nearly two years to get her body the way she wanted. Note that she said she’s not the size and weight she used to be, but that she’s at the size she wants to be. On your weight-loss journey, you’ll learn more about yourself than you thought possible. One of the things you’ll have to contend with is rectifying your ideal weight with what is best for you. Amber found that the pre-baby weight of 120 pounds was neither feasible nor was it practical. To be honest, she looks amazing at this size.

*FYI: This will be a departure from usual weight-loss fare*

4. She’s right about Tyga. He should be ashamed of himself if he’s really is dating an underage teenager. At 25, he’s way old enough to know better that he is setting himself up to catch a case. Her comments on The Breakfast club to defend her friend and shame her friend’s ex are standard in girl code. Khloe Kardashian’s attempts to clap back were useless and embarrassing for her.

I have to admit the side of me that loves gossip was distracted by this back and forth for hours. And it made me an Amber Rose fan. She made a couple of harmless digs at the Kardashian clan in her radio interviews. But her comments about Tyga were strictly that. He has no business dating a teenager.

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Sizing Up the Fashion Industry

12 Nov

I majored in magazine journalism in college. I thought I’d either be a writer or a designer. Even though I now work in newspapers, I still love magazines. I have been a longtime subscriber to Elle, Vanity Fair, Vogue and Esquire.

As you can tell, I like my fashion magazines. I’m aware of the fashion industry’s lack of representation for all types: height, shape, size, skin color, etc. Last year during Paris Fashion Week, a designer broke the mold and used regular women, not professional models in his show. They were a glorious rainbow of shades, shapes and sizes. They stomped down the runway and all anyone could talk about the next day was how brave Rick Owens was for breaking the mold. Again, that was a year ago.

Last month, Calvin Klein launched its new “Perfectly Fit” underwear campaign featuring six models, seen above. Looking at the photos, you wouldn’t be able to tell that the female model in the bottom-right corner, Myla Dalbesio, is the larger of the five women at a size 10. She looks beautiful, just like everyone else.

It wasn’t until recently when Elle published an interview with Dalbesio in which she was called plus size that social media went into a tizzy.

https://twitter.com/Karnythia/status/530853726865850368

To be fair, it wasn’t Calvin Klein or even Dalbesio calling herself plus size. It was Elle. The magazine’s site updated their story and even changed the headline to read “The Rise of the In-Between Model,” but the url is still “plus size.”

DalBesio went on the Today show to discuss the hubbub about her ad, saying, “Life doesn’t work in only extremes.” Most fashion campaigns and runway shows feature models who are very thin. Then there’s the other end of the spectrum where a designer will create pieces specifically for a much larger frame or even go on to shock the world with a fashion show featuring and abundance of sizes.

I applaud Calvin Klein for using a model of average size and not making a big thing about it. It’s a step in the right direction to show that women of all sizes need to be represented. My waist is a size 8, but my hips and thighs will at times put me in a 10. I don’t see myself as plus sized. I’ve been plus sized. I used to shopped at stores that catered specifically to plus sized women when I was an 18 flirting with a size 20. Nowhere in the racks did I see a size 10. For Elle to fall back on the trope of plus sized just because DalBesio wasn’t their norm is offensive and short sighted.

I wish more brands like Calvin Klein would take into account the women of varying shapes and sizes that want to wear they’re clothes. Some of us are tall or short, curvy or straight. Some of us have pear shapes, while others are hourglass. All of us are different hues. And we’re all looking for the “Perfect Fit.” I understand it’s not feasable to cater to every size for every piece. But just to acknowledge that we’re out there will make a world of difference.

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Running From Street Harassment

31 Oct

A couple of months ago, I was out walking my dog before my run. I was wearing what most runners wear: capris, a dri-fit T-shirt and running shoes. It was a nice day, so we took a longer walk than usual.

A young man crossed the street while Xander was doing his thing and said, “Hello.” “Hi,” I responded and kept it moving. When we got to the park, he showed up again and asked how my day was. I said fine, and moved along. A block later he caught up with me again and continued to try to carry on a conversation with me. I told him I wasn’t interested, but he kept walking with me. I used the usual tropes a woman uses when trying to get a persistent guy away from her: I have a boyfriend; I have to get going; I don’t have time; Take care. For almost five blocks, this guy followed me until I raised my voice and told him, “You’re just going to have to take no for an answer!” The rest of the way home, I was looking over my shoulder to make sure he didn’t follow me back to my apartment.

This was the second time I’d been followed by a man in less than two weeks. This type of harassment is something I’ve been dealing with since I was 11 years old.

I’ve mentioned several times on here how I’m an avid runner. What I haven’t mentioned are some of the comments, the leers, the striking sense of discomfort I get at times on these runs. I’ve had a guy cross over and nearly block my path to stare me down while I’m out. I’ve had men clap like I’m putting on a show when I’m just trying to get in some exercise. But I’ve often heard, “Damn!” “Look at that ass!” “Don’t lose too much now!”

These are just some examples from when I’m trying to maintain a certain level of health. I’d need another blog post to run down the instances when I’ve been objectified for just trying to get from Point A to Point B. Every morning on my five-minute walk from my building to the train station, I hear something from at least one guy. Every morning.

The woman featured in Hollaback’s catcall video was showing a slice of life that nearly every woman has to deal with on a regular basis. For detractors to belittle her experience by saying, “It doesn’t happen that often,” or “It was staged,” or (my personal favorite) “We can’t say ‘hi’ anymore,” is insulting, unnerving and misses the entire point.

There are women being verbally and physically assaulted for not giving some man the attention he feels he deserves. Some women are even being killed.

My walking down the street has nothing to do with anyone else’s desires. My desire to go about my day without having to appease some stranger’s need for attention outweighs any man’s need for a reciprocal hello. As one of my friend’s pointed out, some men need to learn to read social cues. Many men need to ask themselves a few questions before they speak:

  • Do you know this woman?
  • Did you two make eye contact?
  • Did she drop something and you need to get her attention to give it back?
  • Will both of you benefit from an interaction?
  • Are you going to say something to her that wouldn’t offend your mother, sister, aunt, cousin, etc.?
  • Does what you want to say absolutely, positively, without-a-doubt need to be said?

If you answered no to any of these questions, your best bet is to keep your thoughts to yourself.

This isn’t a new conversation. Women have been talking about this for years. Jessica Williams of “The Daily Show” did a segment on it earlier this month.

And still there are some men who refuse to recognize the annoyance that can lead to discomfort that does lead to fear for personal safety when dozens of strangers are trying to get your attention in one day. So, men, get over yourselves and recognize that my not talking to you has everything to do with my personal safety and nothing to do with your feelings.

I’m not going to ask if you’ve been street harassed. I’ll just ask what’s an instance that sticks out in your mind when you think of street harassment?

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Sizing Up the Matter

24 Oct
Without you, it's just fabric on a hanger.

Without you, it’s just fabric on a hanger.

Let’s be honest: shopping can be a pain in your newly shaped butt. And I like shopping. But when you’re “skinny now,” you tend to find yourself in between sizes.

No two bodies are the same. My waist makes me a size 8, but my hips still linger in the 10-12 range, depending on the stretch of the fabric. I prefer shopping using numerical sizes because it makes the search more consistent. But clothing makers are starting to shift their wares to alphabetical sizes (XS-XL).  It’s less clothes for them to make in different sizes and leads to fewer returns.

That’s great for them, but here’s the problem: one size does not fit all. Humblebrag, but I’ve always had a small waist compared to my hips. Buying jeans leaves me with two options: a gap at the waistband above my butt or a super tight fit around my hips and thighs. It’s a never-ending struggle, one you’ll have to contend with until you shape your body the way you want it.

We’re in the worst season known to man. Some days are too cold while others are too warm. You have to layer a ton of clothes, then find someplace to put them all when two scarves becomes too many. However, this dreaded time of year does have its benefits.

The layers help hide whatever’s going on while you’re trying to figure out what looks good on your figure. Skinny jeans and a larger top will cover the gap at your back. A big belt can cinch your newly narrow waist over some leggings. These will get you through some rough patches.

But you should also enjoy this time. You lived a size 16 for so long, and now you’re a size 10. There were clothes you never thought would look good on you out there just waiting to be given a chance to shine. You never tried an pencil skirt before? See what it looks like. Cropped tops used to give you muffin-top anxiety? Screw that! You’ve got a flatter belly now that’s just itching to see the sun.

There’s so much to do now that you can fit into a new size. It’s easy to feel defeated even though you’ve done such good work so far. You’ve lost a few pounds, but your favorite clothes don’t fit anymore. Maybe you didn’t like shopping before because it was hard finding things you liked in your size. Guess what, love? You’re not that size anymore. Take this opportunity to see what else looks good on you.

And remember that part: It’s what looks good on you, not what you look good in. The clothes are there to amplify you, not the other way around. These are pieces of fabric cut and sewn to look good on you. Without you, they’re just patterns on a hanger.

What are you itching to try on once you reach your goal weight? How do you deal with in-between sizes

photo credit: Zylenia via photopin cc

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Work It, Missy

20 Oct

Missy Elliott is one of the most talented people in music. She Pharrell-ed before Pharrell could. Many of her fans, myself included, miss hearing Misdemeanor randomly show up on a track, drop an earworm of a song or astound us with a new music video. Her recent spate of appearances have only made the clamor grow, especially with last week’s tweet.

You remember this Missy, right?

missy

That Missy is no more.

In 2011, Missy announced that she was diagnosed with Grave’s disease, which affects the thyroid system and can affect the nervous system. It caused her to gain a lot of the weight she’d lost and made her step back from the music industry spotlight for a while.

But now Missy is back, performing at Alexander Wang’s debut of his collection for H&M. And she looks fantastic. She said at the time of her diagnosis that she was taking radiation medication. But instead of being beholden to the pill, she took a more active role in her health. Working with her doctor, she’s found a way to manage the condition through diet an exercise.

Life happens. It will throw obstacle after obstacle at you, no matter how prepared you may think you are. An obstacle like an illness can really get you down. You may feel defeated at whatever is attacking your health. But that doesn’t have to mean you’re out.

Doctors, nutritionists and therapists are there to help people go on the offensive about health care. You can work with professionals to ensure that whatever may come, you are doing all you can to keep your health in check.

Is it worth it? I think we could all take a cue of Missy and see if it is. You may even surprise yourself at the things you can do naturally that no pill could.

So congrats to Missy on her 70 pound (!!!) weight loss. Hopefully this means she’ll get to working on an album soon (hint-hint, wink-wink).

Photo courtesy of People

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