Because I missed the first 30 minutes of the show, I’ll give you my reactions as I saw them.
* The first thing I saw was Pharell accepting his Grammy then reneging on promise to moonwalk off stage. Let this be a lesson: if you say you’re gonna moonwalk, you’d better moonwalk. Otherwise all trust is lost.
* After Pharell, I was shocked to see Smokey Robinson’s face. Smokey may have also been shocked. Or maybe that’s the way his doctor has sculpted his face. I don’t know anything but it was a surprise to both of us.
* Miranda Lambert, who’s been very op[en about her weight loss, looked great on stage. I don’t listen to country music, so I couldn’t tell you what her song was about. I only became intrigued when part of it was bleeped out for so long I thought Eminem had joined her on stage.
* Sam Smith got his second award of the night and thanked everyone for “just letting me be me,” a mantra we should all take with us as we continue on this journey of life.
* Kanye modeled the latest in workout wear, especially in these frigid temps. Thanks for looking out for us, ‘Ye.
* Madonna is 56. Repeat: Madonna is 56. (However, my 19-year-old cousin likened her performance to “watching ya grandma twerk.”)
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* Beyond that, the song and staging was a mashup of Take a Bow+Express Yourself+Like Prayer. That’s not necessarily a bad thing.
* Did anyone else notice the playoff music sounded like something evil was lurking around the corner?
* Beyonce addressed the BeyHive in her acceptance speech. BeyHive collectivly loses its shit.
* Somehow Ed Sheeran was able to get the best backup band of all time: Herbie Hancock, Questlove and John Mayer. That’s pretty amazing. (Don’t know his song either, but his voice is nice).
* For the second time last night, the 50-and-up crowd had a band to rock out to. This time it was E.L.O., a band whose name I didn’t know but whose music I’d heard. And I wasn’t the only one. Sir Paul McCartney became everyone’s dad jamming to his song at the family reunion when E.L.O. got on stage. Cheers to rocking out in your 70s!
* Adam Levine and Gwen Stefani sang…or something. The orchestra was great, though.
(At this point, “Walking Dead” fans creeped into my timeline with their spoilers. They all suck…until I can watch the episode.)
* Last year, Annie Lennox made a couple of comments that ruffled my feathers. First, there was the whole Beyonce-is-feminist-lite thing, which made no sense. Then there was the whitewashing of “Strange Fruit,” a song specifically about lynching. Because I’m petty, I couldn’t enjoy Annie’s rendition of Nina Simone’s version of “I Put a Spell on You.” I’m sure it was lovely, but I’m not ready for her yet.
* Pharell looked like he was auditioning for the sequel to “Grand Budapest Hotel” as he performed “Happy” what has to be the billionth time in the past year. But kudos to him for having his dancers perform in hoodies and stand for a moment in the “Hands Up, Don’t Shoot” stance.
* President Obama and a domestic abuse survivor introduced Katy Perry, who surprisingly sang pretty well. I was slightly distracted by her Solange copy fit, though.
* Lady Gaga sang with Tony Bennett. They were both painted a disturbing shade of orange.
* I am a Stevie Wonder stan. I listen to “Songs in the Key of Life” in full at least twice a month. The rest of the month, I’m rotating through my favorite songs. Last month it was “Rocket Love.” So imagine my joy when Usher started “If It’s Magic.” I had to grab my tissues. Then Stevie came out to hit a few bars of his harmonica solo. It. Was. EVERYTHING!!
* I’ve only listened to “FourFiveSeconds” briefly, so the show was the first time I’d actually listened to it. Thoughts: Rihanna’s vocals are getting so much better. Kanye wasn’t as hyped as I would have liked. Paul McCartney’s mic wasn’t on. Still it’s the most hood folk song I’ve ever heard, and I’m here for it.
* Mary J. Blige sang “Stay With Me” with Sam Smith. I could have died in that moment a happy person.
* Prince!!!
* Kanye almost Kanye’s Beck’s acceptance speech. There were several great moments in this: 1) Kanye being able to laugh at himself. 2) Beck truly being at a loss for how he beat Sam Smith, Beyonce, Katy Perry and Ed Sheeran. 3) And this Vine of Jay-Z silently saying “Don’t do it.”
* Kristin Wiig was grown-up Maddie Ziegler while Sia sang “Chandelier” to a wall. Maddie gets all the props for making everyone think her crazy jumping around was just that and not extensive choreography. It takes work to look a fool and not hurt yourself in the process. Maddie wins.
* Somewhere between “conscious uncoupling” and Jennifer Lawrence, Chris Martin got buff. Yes, Lord!
* There was minor controversy surrounding Beyonce singing “Precious Lord,” seeing as how Ledisi sang it in “Selma” (beautifully, I might add). I didn’t hate Beyonce’s performance, but I did wait for the goosebumps. “Precious Lord” is the kind of song you feel in your bones, and I didn’t get that. But she still did well. Put it this way: the BeyHive won’t be defecting any time soon.
* Common and John Legend dueted on “Glory” and it was glorious. It’s a great song with a powerful message. My fingers are crossed for an Oscar.
Apparently I missed AC/DC, Ariana Grande and…I think that’s it. I’m OK with that. All in all, it was a pretty blah Grammys. There weren’t a lot of get-out-of-your seat moments. Hopefully the Oscars will be better.
What did you think of the show?
I'm Skinny, Now What? 
Now What?