The Types of Runners You’ll See on the Trail

2 Dec

friends_phoebe_runsThere’s an episode of Friends where Rachel takes Phoebe on a run with her. A little bonding between friends never hurt, unless you’re phoebe and you’re running like you’re escaping from an asylum.

Unfortunately, Phoebe’s exaggerated gate isn’t an uncommon site on the path. Hey, I’ve taken issue with my own running style, seeing as how I look like a velociraptor in Jurassic Park. But at least I’m not in danger of hurting anyone but myself.

Some runners you can learn from, but others are best to steer clear from. Here are a few types that you’ll see on the beaten path:

The pro: This creature has been doing cross-country since he was knee-high to a knee-hi. He looks like Matthew McConaughey—no shirt, glistening chest, tiny running shorts. This guy will make you run into a bush because you can’t take your eyes off him. But you’ve got to look away. You’re on a mission, and so is he. He’s only a third of the way through is 20-mile run today, and you’ve only allotted time for four miles. You’ll never catch him, and you’ll just be a sweaty mess as he laps you for the third time. See also: his Jessica Biel-like sister.

The couple: No matter their age, they’re going at the same speed. They’re also not paying attention to to their surroundings, including you. While they’re discussing dinner plans, they’re likely to run you over in the process. They’re not out for a long run, so you won’t have to hear them bicker over bullshit for long. But their constant picking at one another could be the motivation you need to pick up your pace and get away from them as fast as possible.

The stroller brigade: Aside from the pros, these are my fave people to watch. They’ve got their three-wheeler jogging strollers with adorable moppets inside. It gives me hope that if I ever had kids, this would be my life. The only downside is the shame you feel if they should pass you up. They’re pushing a good 20-30 pounds and still lapping you. But just remind yourself that at least you don’t have to clean that diapered mess when the run is over.

The puppy party: The people I’m most jealous of are the ones who run with their dogs. I have a 12-year-old chihuahua who just can’t hang on my eight-mile treks. After about the second mile, he’s ready to lay down. He pees every five feet but just for fun he needs to sniff a spot for a couple of minutes before dropping pheromones. Exercise isn’t one of his top priorities. He likes to stop and pee on the roses; I like to zoom past them. Dog runners have a good companion at their side, but occasionally, those companions do as dogs do and doo-doo all over the path. Watch out for brown mounds. You’re gonna smell bad enough when your run is over.

The group outing: As if the couple weren’t annoying enough, a group of four or more people come along to crowd the path. They’re there for the camaraderie but forget theirs aren’t the only feet pounding the pavement. No matter how much you say excuse me, they can’t seem to hear you over their own blathering. My only suggestion is to yell, “Left!” and barrel down the side. Like birds, all will move after the first clears out of the way.

Honorable mention goes to cyclists. I like to run with my headphones on. A little Biggie, T.I. or Ciara gets me going a long way. Because their beats are so strong, sometimes I can’t hear the tinkling of a bicycle bell coming behind me. And instead of just yelling, as anyone else will do, cyclists will just ride up on your side with no warning. Getting clipped from a cyclists is not my idea of an ideal run. And don’t let them go riding in groups. Cyclists+Groups=HULK SMASH

Who are the people you encounter that get on your nerves?

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Post-Thanksgiving Workout

29 Nov

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Getting my hike on this day after Thanksgiving.

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How to Stave off the Jigggle on Turkey Day

28 Nov

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Vacation is a time to take a break from the norm. You need to decompress from all of the work you’ve done. But how can you do it without backsliding into really bad habits?

Welcome to holiday season, where backsliding into all of your gluttonous desires is not only expected, but sometimes encouraged.

Who hasn’t heard from a cousin, “Oh, you look so good! You can eat that giant piece of cake. I can’t.” Or heard your uncle say, “Here, eat some of these yams drenched in butter and brown sugar. You’ve lost too much weight.”

I’ve fallen victim to holiday peer pressure just like everyone else. I’m visiting my family in Atlanta for Thanksgiving where this year’s head count is topping 30 people (a lot, but not unexpected for this brood). Majority of these people can cook, including yours truly, who is in charge of a coconut cake, pumpkin marble cheesecake, banana pudding and a roasted chicken. I understand this isn’t part of my usual low-fat, low-cal regimen, but it’s the holidays, dammit.

During the summer, it was all smoothies and salads. The food was cool and refreshing. This time of year, the food is warm and comforting. That word “comforting” brings to mind big fluffy blankets and hot chocolate. But getting too comfortable can be dangerous. Just ask your thighs.

It’s not like I eat like this all year, so I allow myself a few little indulgences. A little slice of pumpkin marble cheesecake here, some of Gram’s peach pie made especially for me there.

The key to balancing all of this is not forgetting what you’ve learned so far. I will eat my turkey and fixin’s (it’s the South), but I’ll also go for a walk afterward. I’ll do as my grandmother does and have a little taste of all the pastries, but I remembered to pack my gym clothes, as well.

If you’ve got the chance, offer a low-fat contribution to the meal. Those greens can be made with smoked turkey and taste just as good. Sweet potatoes are by definition sweet on their own. They don’t need a a pound of brown sugar and butter. Roast some Brussels sprouts or sauté some string beans. And, for God’s sake, don’t drown your food in gravy!

Remember that weight loss takes discipline and hard work. Vacation and the holidays are what we need to give ourselves respite from all of that. Incorporating your new life into your holiday life is the best way to keep it balanced without resorting to your fat-girl pants at the dinner table.

How are you balancing your turkey day?

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Recipe: Cream of Artichoke and Mushroom Soup

27 Nov

Cream of Artichoke and Mushroom Soup

Time: About 15 minutes to prep; 10-13 minutes to cook

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Ingredients

  • 3/4 cup chopped portobello mushrooms
  • 2 tablespoons chopped onion
  • 1 tablespoon all-purpose flour
  • 3 cups reduced-fat milk
  • 1/4 cup nonfat dry milk
  • 1 vegetable bouillon cube
  • 1 package (9 ounces)  frozen artichoke hearts, thawed and finely chopped
  • Salt and white pepper, to taste
  • Paprika, as garnish

Procedure

  1. Saute mushrooms and onion in lightly greased medium saucepan until tender, about 5 minutes.
  2. Stir in flour and cook 1 minute.
  3. Stir  in milk, dry milk and bouillon cube; heat to boiling, stirring.
  4. Add artichoke hearts; reduce heat and simmer uncovered for 5 minutes.
  5. Season to taste with salt and white pepper.
  6. Sprinkle with paprika.

Courtesy: 1,001 Low-Fat Vegetarian Recipes

Verdict

I thought I’d try something different. Cream of mushroom soup isn’t the most ideal entree, but the artichoke seemed to be a nice twist. This came out very tasty. The actual recipe called for Parmesan toast, which I didn’t feel like making. But I suggest either croutons or rice if you’d like something a little more hearty for your dish. Plus, it was quick to make, which is always a bonus.

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The Gym Rat’s Ugly Truth

25 Nov
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I tried to to sweaty-glam in this selfie. Really, I was just stinky.

There are a lot of people who don’t like working out. I’m one of them. But if you look at fitness ads, all of the women seem focused, yet happy about their current situations. Why wouldn’t they be? They’re achieving their goals with determination and barely breaking a sweat. You want to be that person, don’t you?

Have you ever watched women’s professional sports? None of them are happy. Serena Williams is the queen of the death glare. She grunts like she’s in labor. The only time she smiles during a tennis match seems to be after she’s demolished her competition.

You have to sweat. You end up smelling. Your clothes stick to your body. There’s nothing attractive about working out. Yet, there are all of these boutique fitness-wear shops (I’m looking at you, Lululemon) to try to make women feel attractive when they’re sweating like they’ve been in the desert sun all day.

Some women use this fancy wardrobe as a stepping stone to impart pretty-girl instincts in the gym. There’s the woman who comes in only a sports bra and teeny-tiny running shorts to only do a 15-minute walk on the treadmill. There’s also the woman who wears a full face for her low-resistance turn on the stationary bike.

I’ve never used the gym as a place to pick up potential mates. For the most part, it’s because I look a hot, dirty mess when I work out. If I’m paying $40-$50 a month to use the facilities, dammit I’m gonna actually use them. This means sweat stains in places you didn’t know sweat existed. This means hair either in a pony or, in my natural case, pulled up into a fro. I can’t wear sweatpants because my legs get hot. Yes, my legs get hot! Did you know your legs sweat? Because I didn’t until I started working out regularly.

I must—repeat must—have a towel nearby at all times in the gym (on a run, the open air keeps me from sweating into my eyeballs). I drip like I’ve just come in from a downpour. And, like most people, I recycle my workout clothes. There’s an old Sinbad joke where he talks about the two piles of laundry college kids have: dirty and funky.


(Joke begins at 4:20 mark)

Gym clothes are the same way. I will wear my dirty, stained gym clothes for days…until they start smelling. The gym can kind of be like elementary school, and no one wants to hang out with the kid that smells.

If you’re like me and don’t wash your gym clothes every day (don’t judge me), funky comes around a lot more often than you’d like. When you’re running in the open air, being funky doesn’t attack you as hard as it does in the enclosed gym. And let’s not forget that you have to take those sweaty, sticky clothes home.

When working out before work, you have to carry your gym bag with you all day. Make use of those extra shopping bags from the grocery store. You can hide the funk until you can get those clothes home to hang dry. And, please, for the love of all that is holy, let them hang dry. Nobody likes to be around the gym rat with funky, moldy clothes.

Added bonus: Gemma Correll did a cartoon of what’s advertised as fitness wear and what’s actually worn. Funny stuff.

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