How I Got Into a Bikini

My weight has always been a struggle. To be accurate, I have been overweight for most of my adult life. My love of muffins made my muffin top obvious, which was bothersome. When I tipped the scales at 200 pounds on my 5-foot-2 frame, I looked pregnant. I even found myself accidentally trying on clothes in the maternity section. The thought of going to the beach or the pool in a bikini would never cross my mind. Yet, here I am, 50 pounds lighter and in basically a bra-and-panty set walking around in the sand.

Just posting the above photo is a test in courage. I have never—repeat: never!—worn a bikini. My mom put me in one pieces as a kid. In my teens, I was still thick, so i kept my stomach under wraps. Adulthood hit, and the pounds kept coming, and what’s the point of being that girl at the beach? You know her, the girl who looks either pregnant, European or both. I was neither, so why subject myself to such judgment.

I could have put on a two-piece a couple years ago. I was never comfortable, though. I’ve always been body conscious. I’m hyper-aware of the attention people pay to me…because I hate it. I’ve always been the blend-in-the-background kind of gal. That’s my speed. And it’s a non-bikini speed, even if you are on the beach.

So I began with low-cut suits, like the white one above. My boobs looked good. They always have. No harm in deflecting attention away from my over-sized stomach and hips.

Then I went on a cheat. I would wear tank-inis. No one could say I didn’t wear a two-piece to the beach, right?

Soon my friends began to catch on to my scheme. They could see my progress before I did. It’s the nature of the beast—people closest to you pay attention to you and your exploits. When you’re working out and constantly monitoring your diet, you don’t really notice the progress you’re making. One pound here and two pounds there don’t mean much in the grand scheme of things. Every week you notice the few pounds that you’ve lost, but you can’t really see it in the mirror.

You don’t really notice it when you’re wearing the same clothes over and over. Sure those jeans feel a little different, but maybe next week they’ll feel snug again.

It isn’t until time passes and you try on something like your bathing suit from last year that you notice the change your body has taken. And because I was going to the beach this summer and didn’t want to flash anyone underwater (again), now was as good a time as any to get some new swimwear.

So I polled the masses (my friends). I went to Macy’s and tried on a couple suits. I sent a pic to one of my friends who is not only hard-core when it comes to fitness, but is one of my biggest cheerleaders. Her words when I asked if I was beach ready, and I quote, “YEP!!! U ready!!!! When we beachin?”

With that, I felt I could do it. It’s all about what you’re comfortable with. I still keep a one-piece at the ready for when I feel huge. My stomach isn’t flat or toned. I’ve got cellulite on my thighs. I need a halter bra to keep my girls up. But I’m not the worst-looking person at the beach (vain, I know, but I feel judgment everywhere). No one’s staring at me. So I can deal.

What’s your Mount Everest when it comes to clothing choices? What’s the one thing you want to wear when you’ve reached your goal?

Tags: bathing suit, clothes, cost, journey