Booby Traps

28 Oct

photo credit: Fuschia Foot via photopin cc

Last year, I went on vacation with friends to Cancun. I hadn’t been to the beach in a couple years and it was past time I put my toes in the sand. Funds were a little tight and I wanted to spend my vacation fund on more important things…like drinks at Senor Frogs. So I decided to forgo a new swimsuit.

I took my favorite suit: a white, low-cut one-piece that was totally flattering—30 pounds ago. When I went snorkeling, one of the guides wanted to take my picture under water. I blame the water pressure, but as I sunk myself, one of my girls decided to make an appearance for the camera. Yep, I flashed my Cancun snorkeling guide.

During the beginning of my weight-loss journey, I’d lost and gained several pounds, but nothing happened to my bra size. So I figured I’d always be an hourglass. Worse things could happen.

But then something changed. I started losing even more weight and my tops began to feel a little loose. “No worries,” I thought. “This is what you wanted: medium-sized shirts.” And then came Cancun.

I learned that breasts lose weight, too. Who knew? Breasts are mostly fat, so when you’re in hard-core cardio mode, as I’ve been for a while, you’re going to lose that fat.

Let’s be honest: I had really nice boobs. When they were big, they were full. Out of the many things I could gripe about on my body, breasts were not cause for complaint. But who am I without my girls?

No one tells you that this could happen. No one warns you that along with smaller jeans and even smaller bracelets come smaller cup sizes.

Every woman has a horror story about bra shopping. It’s a complete nightmare. No two bra makers are the same and every “expert” says they know what will fit you. Lies, I tell you! All lies!!

If you’ve watched any show aimed at women, at least 80 percent of us are wearing the wrong-sized bra. Eighty freaking percent! How can so many people be so wrong about something so necessary. It’s because unlike your shoe size, your bra size fluctuates with age, body composition and lifestyle. The size bra you wear to cocktail hour may not be the same size you’re wearing to work out.

You can’t trust the 15-year-old with measuring tape at Victoria’s Secret. Don’t even look the way of the older lady working checkout at Macy’s. Go to an actual lingerie store that specializes in undergarments. Victoria’s Secret is the Nine West of bras: cute selection, but the material just wasn’t made for multiple uses.

Another thing to look into, which I’ll be trying soon, is this list of exercises from Shape magazine to perk up your boobs. Nobody wants saggin’ dragons.

What do you do give yourself that extra lift?

One Response to “Booby Traps”


  1. How I Got Into a Bikini | I'm Skinny, Now What? - December 1, 2013

    […] And because I was going to the beach this summer and didn’t want to flash anyone underwater (again), now was as good a time as any to get some new […]

Now What?

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