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No Shame in the Game

20 Jan

photo courtesy of Annie Leibovitz/Vogue

I remember when I was a teenager, and my mom and I were shopping at the mall. I was wearing an oversized gray sweater and gray leggings with tennis shoes (trust me, I have elephant brain). As we were browsing the juniors section I hear a guy talking to his friends about the “big girl” looking at clothes too small for her. I tried not to pay too much attention to it, thinking he’s talking about someone else. But as I picked up a dress, he spoke a little louder about how I was so big I looked like a cloud (the gray) and how I needed to just put the dress down. My mom was out of earshot and on the other side of the section, so I just left and went to her.

I’ve lived most of my life well above 150 pounds on my 5-foot-2 frame. My skin has hardened to such comments, but my tolerance for bullying behavior like that has become vapor thin.

In the past few months, body-shaming has become more popular. Cloaked under the guise of drawing awareness, businesses like Lululemon, organizations like PETA and even feminist blog Jezebel have made it their business to point out their perceived flaws with a larger body type.

Last week “Girls” multi-hyphenate Lena Dunham appeared on the cover and in a nice spread for Vogue magazine. Vogue, like most fashion magazines, is known for extensive photo retouching of photos. A longer arm here, a slimmer neck there, lower lighting right there, it’s a thing that happens. But Jezabel, which has been an ardent supporter of Dunham’s for some time, offered $10,000 for unretouched photos.

Our desire to see these images pre-Photoshop is not about seeing what Dunham herself “really” looks like. …This is about Vogue, and what Vogue decides to do with a specific woman who has very publicly stated that she’s fine just the way she is.
—Jezebel’s editor-in-chief Jessica Coen

Within a couple hours, the site got the images and Clawd’ve mercy, the images were retouched! Coen herself admitted that there wasn’t a big difference between the originals and the retouched ones. But she stood by her argument that this was about Vogue painting an unrealistic image. You what else is unrealistic? Makeup, pushup bras, high heels, spanx, hairspray, the lighting on “The View.” Everyone does something to make themselves look or feel better. Instagram feeds are full of filtered images to put people in the best light, but Jezabel has no qualms about that. Vogue has been doing this type of thing for years.

I see no problem with retouching as long as it’s not ridiculous. There’s one shot of Dunham where her arm is missing. There are some shots Vogue uses that make people look like bobbleheads. But there’s no need to shame Dunham’s body type, which isn’t totally uncommon to see, to make a point about a misperceived wrong.

Recently animal-rights group PETA was accused of fat-shaming by several media outlets for its “Plan V” campaign, PETA’s attempt to enter the reproduction debate with it’s own agenda. PETA wrote a letter to “population-stabilization” group Population Connection after a report came out that Plan B contraception may not work effectively on women over 176 pounds.

Fat shaming is not now, nor has it ever been, an effective way to get women’s weight under control. Weight is a very personal thing. It is probably the only outward aspect of a person that is still considered open for debate. It is also something that can be very hard to control.

One person’s beliefs shouldn’t dictate how you live your life. Further more, PETA should have done more research before suggesting that women over 176 pounds need to just go vegan so they can use Plan B. The animal-rights organization issued a statement after being called out for fat-shaming, saying that it only wanted to offer another option. The people behind the original statement didn’t take into account how sensitive an issue weight is.

If you ever feel yourself on the receiving end of this type of bullying, understand that whoever’s throwing it at you doesn’t really know you. Someone who loves you wouldn’t make you feel ashamed of being who you are. Whether you’re a work in progress or at the end of your weight-loss journey, it’s no one’s right to tell you how to look or live your life. Do you, boo!

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Perception vs. Reality

22 Nov
What they see...

What they see…

One of my favorite movies from the ’90s is “Clueless.” There’s a scene where Cher is trying to calm Tai down after she spies the object of her affection dancing with another girl.

Tai:  Do you think she’s pretty?
Cher: No, she’s a full-on Monet.
Tai: What’s a Monet?
Cher: It’s like a painting, see? From far away, it’s OK, but up close, it’s a big old mess.

While going from one weight class to another isn’t exactly like this, there are similarities. People see you the way they want to. You can offer different perspectives, but the onus is on the observer to take that into account.

I don’t live near much of my family. The family that does live nearby, I only see every few months. (New York keeps people busy.) I also work out a lot. Like…a lot. When I began my journey toward a smaller me, I knew the outcome would surprise some people. My five-two frame held more than 170 pounds for most of my adult life. You don’t really notice the change yourself for a while. But when someone who hasn’t seen you in months tells you you’ve lost so much weight, you start to reassess your appearance.

Then comes the time when you’re literally inches from your goal weight and again see people you haven’t seen in forever. That was a bit difficult for me. I knew I’d lost a lot of weight and was nearing my goal. I knew that I wore a smaller dress size and that my face was thinner. But it was another thing to have people tell me that I need to start eating.

What they remember...

What they remember…

One family member actually asked me if I was starving myself. That hurt the most. I pride myself on having been able to do this the healthy way. I work out about four to five hours a week. I eat several small meals a day. But I don’t deny myself a good craving if the mood hits me. I love cookies and cake. My favorite snack is Pepperidge Farm Goldfish crackers. (Seriously…I do not share these things. They’re amazing.)

It’s a slap in the face (though unintended) for people to perceive me as doing something harmful to myself because the image they have in their heads is one that doesn’t exist anymore. I’ve lost a lot of weight and managed to keep most of it off for going on five years now. That’s the reality.

Always remember that, because friends and family will always view you as the rotund person you were, no mater how many pounds you drop. I’m still coming to grips with that. I haven’t lost a great deal of weight recently—three to five pounds here and there. But after not seeing someone for a year, people seem to remember the big girl from six years ago, not her smaller version from last summer.

There are a couple ways to remedy this. Visit your friends and family more often. Keep your Facebook and Instagram pages updated on your progress so there won’t be so much sticker shock when they see you in person. Or just do what I do, and remind them that you haven’t lost that much weight since the last time they saw you.

It’s somewhat like a child growing up. You remember your nieces and nephews as babies and toddlers. Then one day you’re home for Thanksgiving and they’re asking for the keys to your car. There’s an adjustment period—for both you and your loved ones—to come to terms with the new person standing there. Just try not to bite their heads off for making off-putting comments in the guise of compliments.

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How I Got Into a Bikini

1 Nov

suit_journey

My weight has always been a struggle. To be accurate, I have been overweight for most of my adult life. My love of muffins made my muffin top obvious, which was bothersome. When I tipped the scales at 200 pounds on my 5-foot-2 frame, I looked pregnant. I even found myself accidentally trying on clothes in the maternity section. The thought of going to the beach or the pool in a bikini would never cross my mind. Yet, here I am, 50 pounds lighter and in basically a bra-and-panty set walking around in the sand.

Just posting the above photo is a test in courage. I have never—repeat: never!—worn a bikini. My mom put me in one pieces as a kid. In my teens, I was still thick, so i kept my stomach under wraps. Adulthood hit, and the pounds kept coming, and what’s the point of being that girl at the beach? You know her, the girl who looks either pregnant, European or both. I was neither, so why subject myself to such judgment.

I could have put on a two-piece a couple years ago. I was never comfortable, though. I’ve always been body conscious. I’m hyper-aware of the attention people pay to me…because I hate it. I’ve always been the blend-in-the-background kind of gal. That’s my speed. And it’s a non-bikini speed, even if you are on the beach.

So I began with low-cut suits, like the white one above. My boobs looked good. They always have. No harm in deflecting attention away from my over-sized stomach and hips.

Then I went on a cheat. I would wear tank-inis. No one could say I didn’t wear a two-piece to the beach, right?

Soon my friends began to catch on to my scheme. They could see my progress before I did. It’s the nature of the beast—people closest to you pay attention to you and your exploits. When you’re working out and constantly monitoring your diet, you don’t really notice the progress you’re making. One pound here and two pounds there don’t mean much in the grand scheme of things. Every week you notice the few pounds that you’ve lost, but you can’t really see it in the mirror.

You don’t really notice it when you’re wearing the same clothes over and over. Sure those jeans feel a little different, but maybe next week they’ll feel snug again.

It isn’t until time passes and you try on something like your bathing suit from last year that you notice the change your body has taken. And because I was going to the beach this summer and didn’t want to flash anyone underwater (again), now was as good a time as any to get some new swimwear.

So I polled the masses (my friends). I went to Macy’s and tried on a couple suits. I sent a pic to one of my friends who is not only hard-core when it comes to fitness, but is one of my biggest cheerleaders. Her words when I asked if I was beach ready, and I quote, “YEP!!! U ready!!!! When we beachin?”

With that, I felt I could do it. It’s all about what you’re comfortable with. I still keep a one-piece at the ready for when I feel huge. My stomach isn’t flat or toned. I’ve got cellulite on my thighs. I need a halter bra to keep my girls up. But I’m not the worst-looking person at the beach (vain, I know, but I feel judgment everywhere). No one’s staring at me. So I can deal.

What’s your Mount Everest when it comes to clothing choices? What’s the one thing you want to wear when you’ve reached your goal?

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Booby Traps

28 Oct
http://www.flickr.com/photos/fuschia_foot/600752201/

photo credit: Fuschia Foot via photopin cc

Last year, I went on vacation with friends to Cancun. I hadn’t been to the beach in a couple years and it was past time I put my toes in the sand. Funds were a little tight and I wanted to spend my vacation fund on more important things…like drinks at Senor Frogs. So I decided to forgo a new swimsuit.

I took my favorite suit: a white, low-cut one-piece that was totally flattering—30 pounds ago. When I went snorkeling, one of the guides wanted to take my picture under water. I blame the water pressure, but as I sunk myself, one of my girls decided to make an appearance for the camera. Yep, I flashed my Cancun snorkeling guide.

During the beginning of my weight-loss journey, I’d lost and gained several pounds, but nothing happened to my bra size. So I figured I’d always be an hourglass. Worse things could happen.

But then something changed. I started losing even more weight and my tops began to feel a little loose. “No worries,” I thought. “This is what you wanted: medium-sized shirts.” And then came Cancun.

I learned that breasts lose weight, too. Who knew? Breasts are mostly fat, so when you’re in hard-core cardio mode, as I’ve been for a while, you’re going to lose that fat.

Let’s be honest: I had really nice boobs. When they were big, they were full. Out of the many things I could gripe about on my body, breasts were not cause for complaint. But who am I without my girls?

No one tells you that this could happen. No one warns you that along with smaller jeans and even smaller bracelets come smaller cup sizes.

Every woman has a horror story about bra shopping. It’s a complete nightmare. No two bra makers are the same and every “expert” says they know what will fit you. Lies, I tell you! All lies!!

If you’ve watched any show aimed at women, at least 80 percent of us are wearing the wrong-sized bra. Eighty freaking percent! How can so many people be so wrong about something so necessary. It’s because unlike your shoe size, your bra size fluctuates with age, body composition and lifestyle. The size bra you wear to cocktail hour may not be the same size you’re wearing to work out.

You can’t trust the 15-year-old with measuring tape at Victoria’s Secret. Don’t even look the way of the older lady working checkout at Macy’s. Go to an actual lingerie store that specializes in undergarments. Victoria’s Secret is the Nine West of bras: cute selection, but the material just wasn’t made for multiple uses.

Another thing to look into, which I’ll be trying soon, is this list of exercises from Shape magazine to perk up your boobs. Nobody wants saggin’ dragons.

What do you do give yourself that extra lift?

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I’m Skinny, Now What?

25 Oct

skinny_now_journeyI’ve lost all this weight, now what?

No one ever really tells you how this is supposed to go. You set a plan in motion to get somewhere, but you don’t plan on what to do when you get there.

It’s like going on vacation, but you’ve only planned the flight and hadn’t considered the hotel or transportation.

That’s how I feel most of the time. Over the past five years, I’ve been working out (then vegging out) in order to reach some semblance of an ideal weight. It all began, when during a routine check-up, I found out that I weighed 200 pounds.

I’m 5-foot-2. I come from a long line of curvy women and was raised in the Midwest. We love BBQ, fried anything and lounging with drinks in our hands. While this isn’t exclusive to my home region, it is one of our marked characteristics. However, I never thought I would let myself get that big.

After the shock and tears of my new predicament, I decided to take action. By take action, I mean I read up on what people do when they take action while I ate a brownie sundae. As long as I didn’t have one everyday, I was OK, right?

So I got a book, “Extreme Fat Smash Diet.” Then I started talking to my friends who were working out a lot. They were doing Fat Smash and going to the gym. I hate to sweat, so I needed another plan. Turns out Dr. Ian Smith wanted me to actually burn some calories, too.

Then I started really reading the book. While it seemed like a good idea, “extreme” is far from a misnomer. Your meals can consist of one egg and a half cup of juice for breakfast; a cup of sliced fruit for lunch; a small veggie-only salad for a late lunch; and veggies and beans for dinner. Not too appetizing. Oh, and lets not forget the hour of cardio that you’re doing four to six days a week.

These are not the things a couch potato likes to do. But then I hopped on the scale again and decided it was time to hop on the treadmill.

I joined a Ballys. My gym-rat ex-boyfriend and I went to one once, so I wasn’t unfamiliar territory. Plus this one was closer to my house.

The first step is always the hardest, but I started to get my energy up, despite the damage all the sweat was doing to my hair.

Then I picked the book back up and tried doing the plan. It took a few stop-and-go weeks, but I finally got on track. The book says that if you stick with it, you could lose up to five pounds a week. “Yeah, right,” I thought. I avoided the scale that first week, not wanting to be disappointed if nothing was happening. At the end of week one, I’d lost five pounds!

I started really feeling myself then. It was on and popping at the gym. By that time I had already planned on a trip to Puerto Rico, which required beach attire. I refused to be mistaken for a beached whale, so I got addicted. All told, I had lost 20 pounds in six weeks by the time I got to the beach.

Since then, I’ve been doing the diet off and on. Not long after another breakup, I lost another 25 pounds the healthy way.

Yo-yo dieting over the years has helped me drop a grand total of 60 pounds. However, I’m human; I’ve gained about five to 10 of those back.

For the most part, I’m comfortable with my current weight and the shape of my body. There are a few things that need tightening up, but no body is perfect.

And that is what this blog is about. I’m close enough to my goal weight that I feel I can talk about this with others: keeping it off ain’t easy, and once you’ve gotten comfortable, how do you adjust to the new you?

It was very weird looking at myself in the mirror after having lived in this body for more than 30 years. I was used to a certain jiggle in certain places. I’d gotten comfortable with shirts, pants and even bras fitting me a certain way. There were curves that were once my calling card. Who am I now without the body that I used to live in?

I want to address that and take you on my journey of self discovery as I try to move forward in the world while trying not to lose some of the things I liked about the old me.

I’ll be posting workout updates, recipes and stories about my experience. Let me know what you think. It’s an open forum into my life (Lord, help me!). I think it’s a journey that many of us are going on, but there’s not a lot of conversation about it. Let’s discuss.

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